Bad cracker joke: The nightmare after Christmas

Frighten neighbourhood children next Halloween with your very own Jacko Lantern. It's Bad!

Wizards of Oz

At this time of year, it is standard media practice to remember some of the notables who have died over the last 12 months. Two people who are unlikely to figure in this litany of the great and good, but who have had a much bigger social impact than a Ronnie Barker or a Hunter S. Thompson are Arnold Hagenbach and Leo Sternbach.
Hagenbach was one of the men behind the Arndale Centres: the first American-style shopping malls in the UK and precursor of the Bluewaters and Metro Centres of today. Having spent many happy hours playing on the wooden animal sculptures at the Arndale Centre in Poole, Dorset and some less happy hours Christmas shopping at its Manchester cousin, I can vouch for the social significance of his particular achievement.
Not so for Sternbach's, although it is there for all to see: he was the Roche scientist who invented the tranquillisers Librium and Valium. The latter was the most prescribed drug in the US from 1969 to 1982. And at the peak of its popularity (1978), more than 2.3 billion tablets were sold. Something to chew on while watching yet another eulogy/apology for George Best.

Kid Chaos, MD

Few ex-rockers can have changed career as dramatically as Stephen Harris. According to this piece from USA Today, the erstwhile Kid Chaos has swapped bass duties with Zodiac Mindwarp and the Cult for a place at Ivy League Columbia University, where he is studying for a medical degree, this despite being diagnosed with dyslexia. The ex-Love Reaction man, now 39, hopes to become a doctor at a hospital in his South Wales hometown once he is qualified.

The Spirit of Christmas, now £1.99

Watching Roy Wood performing 'I wish it could be Christmas every day' on the telly last night, I was reminded of my favourite Xmas hits album, or at least the one that best seems to sum up the spirit of Xmas in my secular homeland, the UK. The album in question is an in-store tape I picked up at discount shop Poundstretcher while working at one of their Nottingham branches during the 1995 festive season. As well as all the Xmas hits of note from the previous four decades of pop (Slade, Wham, East 17, Mud, etc.), the tape also included between song promo announcements, such as: "Three pairs of tartan pop socks, only 99p", or 'Breville sandwich toaster: now reduced to four-ninety-nine... Christmas at Poundstretcher." Ahhhh, The warm glow of bargain basement consumerism!

Anything to check in? Only my judgement

In his latest Guardian column, film critic Joem Queenan takes the opportunity to rip into Vin Diesel's family comedy, 'The Pacifier'. Normally I'm sure I would totally agree with his description of this movie as "A dreary little pile of hokum". I say normally because I saw The Pacifier on a long-haul flight and came off the plane raving about it, even recounting the plot and dialogue to my long-suffering fiancee. Now I 'know' the film must have been crap, but in a metal canister at 36,000 feet even the merest crumb of entertainment value can sometimes seem like three star Michelin fare. I mean, ffs, even 'Garfield' was quite enjoyable in those circumstances.

No guru, no Clifford, no teacher

Is it one of the conditions of his speaking to the press for Max Clifford to be continually labelled a PR guru? This article on the BBC website by Ian Wilkerson is a classic example of a very tiresome genre. What is so remarkable about the world of public relations that its practioners need to be accorded the status of spiritual guides? Would a simple 'adviser' or 'consultant' not suffice? Do I go around calling myself a paper maven? No, I do not!

Kick Di Canio out of football

Rapidly becoming the anti-Maradona. What a jerk!

Leftfoot forward

Idly googling some old acquaintances from my college days I was pleased to discover that Adam Regan, with whom I once worked on a final year Uni video project, is now a top DJ on the Birmingham club scene and the man behind the Leftfoot events and label. Leftfoot Recordings is a subsidiary of Different Drummer, founded in 1992 by the men behind Original Rockers, pioneers of what David Toop then labelled Ambient Dub. Check out Adam's mixing skills here.

Gerrymander pacemakers

Good to see the continuing unraveling of Tom DeLay's dirty work down in Texas. Following on from his indictment on money laundering charges, the Texas congressional redistricting plan Delay masterminded, one of the most transparent pieces of gerrymandering in US politics for many a year, is set for a Supreme Court review. The redistricting, which was railroaded through in 2003 (three years after the most recent census) by a Republican controlled Texas Legislature, and later approved by a three-judge federal panel (two Republican appointees, one Democrat) enabled the GOP to turn a 17-15 deficit in the Texas congressional delegation into a 21-11 split in its favour after the 2004 elections.
The plan has been widely criticised since its inception for diluting the voting strength of black and Hispanic Texans, in contravention of the Voting Rights Act. New evidence that has come to light in the last two weeks indicates that political appointees in the Justice Dept. overruled the judgement of all eight career attorney in the department's Civil Rights Division, all of whom had opposed the redistricting plan on the grounds that it would harm minority voters. The Dallas Morning News reported David Becker, a former Civil Rights Division member who left in April after seven years, as saying, "It's probably not an overstatement to say it's unprecedented for that kind of overruling of the career staff to occur."
The case will be an important early test of what kind of Supreme Court we will have under new Chief Justice, John Roberts. One would hope that their concern for justice would outweigh any partisan leanings they may have. But in the USA today, one shouldn't count on it.

Well done Apple!

Since downloading iTunes 6.0.1, my iPod has lost all the tracks purchased from the iTunes music store. This bug wouldn't be a direct consequence of Apple's haste to get its video-ready software in the shops before Xmas, would it? That would be a very Microsoft thing to do.

Hooligans in all but name

I've had little time for Steven Wells's cultural criticism ever since the days when he was Punk poet Seething Wells, but his column in today's Guardian on the US's refusal to face up to its hooligan problem is spot on. Probably the best thing the man has ever written.

Better than BS

Thanks to Victor S for wising me up to Hipster Bingo, a fun game for ages 8 and up found over at the Catbirdseat. I'm clearly not as hip (or tragically hip) as VS since I only three points myself (Granpa, blogger with digital camera and hoodie) compared with his seven.
Hipster Bingo put me in mind of that great game for livening up management meetings circa 2000, Bullshit Bingo (create a square of wanky consultantese phrases - gaining traction, thinking outside the box, win/win situation, and so forth - and tick 'em off until there is a winner). Classic dotcom era fun.

Gun, Bible, Koran and bubble perm

I've written before about what a contradictory place Texas is, but it's still eye-opening for us lily-livered Europeans to see large billboards in the heart of nice-as-apple-pie suburban Collin County advertising a gun show (particularly when the ad in question is only a few blocks away from a school of Islamic Sufism!). Collin County is where the North Dallas sprawl finally meets the Texas countryside (surprisingly colourful in fall) and is also home to one of the 10 largest churches in the US, a Southern Baptist congregation called Prestonwood that boasts more than 24,000 members. In fact, according to a recent Time magazine article, five of the 10 largest churches in the US are in Texas and four of those are in the D-FW metroplex. And yet, and yet, despite the ignorant, ugly views of many of self-righteous Texan Christians, in Dallas it is still possible for a lesbian couple and their son to attend a mainstream church and for right-thinking church leaders to choose to lose their biggest benefactors rather than bow to pressure to retract sermons in favour of gay marriage. How could it be otherwise in the city that gave the world Toni & Guy?

America's organic evolution

One surprise during my latest trip to the US was the extent to which organic food is taking hold. Strolling around a branch of Tom Thumb in Frisco, Texas I was amazed to see a large healthy eating section. Even more surprising was the fact that, alongside the organic fruit and veg, there were packs of 'Natural Cheetos'. For those of you've who've never eaten Cheetos, they are a preservative-packed corn snack that turns your fingers orange. The new, natural version is a pale yellow colour and has none of the artificial enhancement afforded the standard version. Personally, I don't think they are as good, but my body probably disagrees.
Frisco is also home to the first branch of Sprouts Farmers Market in the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex. Sprouts is one of the new, Texas-sized, organic food superstores that are spreading rapidly across the US. Leading the charge is Whole Foods Market, a company that has been around since 1980, but which has really taken off in the last few years. Today there are some 165 Whole Foods Market superstores in the US, Canada and the UK, with dozens more in the pipeline.
Another sign of the healthy eating trend is the growth of artisanal cheesemaking. According to an article in the December edition of American Way, American Airlines' inflight magazine, Vermont now has a cheese trail for tourists, while in Wisconsin, the number of small farmers making their own cheeses has increased from six in 2003 to 26 today, with the number forecast to top 50 next year. Compared to the ubiquity of McDonald's, it's a drop in the ocean, of course, but in a country where processed food has been dominant for decades, it's remarkable to see this groundswell of sentiment for real food.

The wild parakeets of Parc Tenbosch

Today's Guardian has a feature on a The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill, a new movie about a flock of Peruvian parrots that lives in San Francisco. It's a nice story and I hope the film does well, but as a Brussels resident, I'm a little disappointed that our flock of wild parakeets (found in Place Guy D'Arezzo and Parc Tenbosch and now moving into the Ixelles Ponds district), was not the one to be immortalised in film. I mean, how often does it snow in San Francisco? Yet, rain, sleet or shine, the noisy green birds take it all in their stride. People have told me that the parakeets originated from a circus, from which they escaped about 25 years ago. I don't know whether that is true or not, but their presence in Brussels is one of those quirks that makes the city such an enjoyable place to live.

Naaah Boyyy!

Unfortunately, it seems that Public Enemy's long-awaited return to action is not confined to the musical sphere. A new Miller Lite commercial, now playing in the US, features Flavor Flav in court. The punchline: He and his attorney crying 'Yeeaaahhh Boyyyy' in unison. Yeeuuch!