Postmodern pentathlon

It seems that the media's interest in 'weird sports' such as pie-eating, air guitar and gurning shows no sign of abating.
But in this multi-tasking age, surely being a champion cheese roller, or the world's best wife-carrier is no longer enough. I propose a new challenge to find the top all-round 'athlete' of the age, a 'postmodern pentathlon' testing a range of skills. Taking place over two days, the event would begin with a psychologically challenging round of 'paper scissors stone'. Next up would come the air guitar battle, followed by the pie-eating contest. Day two would kick off with a no-holds-barred 'gurn off', the whole shebang ending with a wife (or husband) carrying race, the starting positions of the contenders being determined by the points accrued in the previous rounds. First to cross the line wins.